I get weird when I'm sick. It gets worse when I'm bored. Sometimes caffeine becomes involved, but sometimes not. Like right now, I feel like shit, but I refuse to let anyone know. So I'm taking it out on my rolly chair at work. I'm spinning. It's not really helping the sickness, but it is keeping me entertained. And right now, that's all I care about.
There was this one time when I was at Ripon when I was really bored and sick because I was the only person living in the dorm for an entire week. Everyone was home for winter break except me. I had to stay and student teach. It kinda sucked.
You cannot possibly imagine how creepy a college dorm is when you are the only one there. Every morning there is a panic attack as you wonder whether or not the silence is normal or caused by a zombie apocalypse.
There were days when I thought I was the only living being on the planet. I began to plan my defense. My room became a bunker totally devoted to survival.
In an attempt to hone the skills that I knew I would soon need, I took to running through the dorm with my Nerf gun. Now, this gun was special. I received it as a Christmas present during my Freshman year of college. All of my friends had Nerf guns, and I wanted one too. I was expecting a small gun, just something to defend myself with. But no. My father bought me a sniper rifle, and I thought it was the most kickass thing ever.
Until my friend told me that it was a shitty gun. I was devastated. It had no power, and the aim sucked. When we had Nerf wars, I was a joke because I couldn't hit anything.
Until that same friend told me he could mod my gun for me. Even now, I get a little shiver of evil glee when I think about the moment I had hope again for being a Nerf gun wielding terror.
My friend took my gun for two weeks. When I got it back it was so beast that I could barely use it. I had to brace it against my stomach and pull back with both hands to cock it. It could fire a dart clear down the dorm hallway. And it hurt like a bitch when it hit. It was legendary.
Overnight, I became feared. I became a god of Nerf pain and terror.
It was because of this that I assumed I would be able to hold off the oncoming zombie horde with my Nerf gun. But not without practice. I'm not that stupid. In light of the fact that there was no one else around, I decided to practice in the dorm. No way in hell was I going outside until I was good and ready. Plus there was lots of snow and I hate the cold and I wouldn't be able to run from a zombie through knee-deep snow. So I stayed indoors.
As I was loading my Nerf gun I realized that it would be way more fun to run around the dorm shooting things if I were dressed all in black. I would pretend to be a ninja! This idea was getting better and better.
I got dressed all in black, grabbed my gun, and stealthily exited my room. The hallway lights were off, so the only light was the bleak grey beams coming through the windows. I rounded the corner and fired. The dart flew to the opposite window and stuck. Grinning, I lunged into a roll through an open doorway and came up with the gun pointed straight into the faces of the two Asian exchange students who had not had anywhere to go for the break.
Apparently I was not alone in the dorm.
The two boys did not speak to me, but from their expressions I could tell that I was definitely an American freak.
A freaking zombie slaying ninja American freak!
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