Being an adult sucks balls. I mean, no wonder my parents were always so cranky after work. Who would want to deal with real children after babysitting the adult children at the office all day? This is a typical scene from my childhood:
Me: Mom!
Mom: ...
Me: Mom!
Mom: ...
Me: MOM!
Mom: Don't shout, honey. What is it?
Me: Can we go to Target?
Mom: Why?
Me: I'm bored, and I wanna see the Barbies! (I had an obsession as a child with walking up and down the Barbie aisle. I didn't want to buy them. Just look)
Mom: Honey, not tonight. It was a long day at work.
Me: But I'm boooooooored!
Mom: I'm just want to relax and watch TV tonight, Sweetheart.
Me: ...
Me: ...
Me: ...
Me: Mom. Mom. Can we go to the park?
Really, I'm surprised that I lasted into adulthood. Had my mother been an ordinary mammal, she would have killed and eaten me long ago.
I am not so magnanimous. I'm even planning not to have children for my own self-preservation. I don't want to go to prison for murder. See? I can think ahead when I want to.
After work each day, I am a dangerous entity. It doesn't help that I have to survive ten miles in rush hour traffic to get home. And when I do get home I have to make it past a dog and a cat that are convinced that it is time for dinner. It's not.
That's a normal day. On a normal day I want to go home, make dinner, and put my feet up in front of the TV until bed time. But today was not a normal day. Today was "Holy Fuck Crisis Day."
For about a two hour period of time this morning, there were constant crises that only I could solve. Three computers aren't connecting to the server? Better get Nikki. You're bleeding? Find Nikki! A horde of rampant stegosaurus has been beamed down from the Starship Enterprise and is careening down the street destroying everything in its path and eating babies??? Dear god go and grab Nikki!!! That's how my morning went. Except much much worse.
In the midst of the chaos I devised a plan. If I survive rush hour and the starving feral animals when I get home, then I am going to put on my comfy yoga pants (as opposed to my workout yoga pants which are not comfortable because they have the psychological effect of making me want to run), curl up in my comfy blue leather armchair, and cuddle with a bottle of wine while I play Legend of Zelda: Skyward Sword. Yep. That's the plan.
I've started rambling...I had a point to make about growing up and how I should have enjoyed childhood when I could and blah blah blah. That will have to wait until another post. For now, adulthood is terrible terrible thing, but it's also not so bad because there is wine. Alcohol makes everything better...
That last statement makes me sound like an alcoholic, but I promise I'm not. Just a little goofy and high on adrenaline from single-handedly subduing that rampaging horde of stegosaurus.
You know what would make me feel better about my life decisions? If you all subscribed to my blog! Then I would feel special and there would be less of a need for a bottle to keep me company! See what I did there? I guilted you into subscribing.
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