Fifty Shades of Grey: The Verdict
Grade: C-
Warning: I will try to avoid it, but there may be spoilers!
I'm giving this book a C-. It was readable. Some parts were mildly enjoyable. But there was nothing gripping or engaging about it. In fact, the lack of professionalism in the writing was distracting enough to take away from a story that was weak to begin with. The characters are flat. The dynamic between them is good, even great in some places, but they themselves are nothing more than shadows. The plot is almost nonexistent. It is basically girl meets boy who is bad for her. Boy leads her down a forbidden path. Grease did better with this premise. And it had music!
On that subject, music is an area where this book could have found some depth. The classical pieces that the author mentions are intriguing, and there is the possibility there to really explore the characters or the tone of the story. But again it falls short. No explanation or analysis of the pieces is chosen. In fact, it reads as if the author did nothing more than Google random, impressive sounding works to plop into the story. Truly disappointing.
The only reason that this book is being read so widely is because of the shock and awe value. Many people are uncomfortable with the notion of BDSM, and that has been the book's major selling point. Unfortunately, in this too there was disappointment. The few sex scenes that lean in this direction are fairly tame, and the only redeeming factor is the detail that the author puts into these scenes. Though even this detail could not bring life to flat characters. Typically when I indulge in reading an erotic novel I am left squirming, but not so with this one. Detail does not a sex scene make, and the predicability of each one quickly made it lose whatever surprise value it could have had because of the BDSM.
For a light read on the beach, this book is not bad. Especially if there is some good eye candy available when you get to the naughty bits. But there are far better books out there, books that are not only well written but that also have a plot. If you are looking for more of the BDSM, then try reading Jacqueline Carey's Kushiel's Dart. There is plenty of kinky sex, the story is of epic proportions, and the writing is graceful and beautiful. It is a work of art as well as a hot story. Another great kinky sex story is The Sleeping Beauty Trilogy by Anne Rice. This one actually had me blushing, and that is hard to do.
In the end, Fifty Shades of Grey is ok. It is mildly entertaining. It belongs on a fanfiction website where it is a naughty form of diversion. It does not belong on bookshelves brushing shoulders with proper novels. Unfortunately, its popularity has put it there. I can only hope that it serves a higher purpose somehow by opening peoples' minds to the possibility of unconventional relationships.
Continue reading if you wish to know some of the thoughts I had while reading this book.
Thoughts as I'm reading:
#1
Wow. Couldn't even make it through the first chapter of Fifty Shades of Grey without commenting. That should tell you something.
First of all, this story reads like fanfiction. I feel like I should be reading it on a computer with a group of my college friends gathered round giggling at the naughty bits. The dialogue is unrefined and unbelievable. The grammar and syntax are good for a piece of fanfiction, but should have never made it past a professional editor. The fact that they did makes me weep for the writing industry. I know times are tough, but c'mon guys! Let's respect our craft a little bit.
There are run-on sentences. There should never be run-on sentences in a professional piece of writing. Run-on sentences are for my sixth graders when they get excited and just can't stop writing. And even they know enough to go back and fix the mistakes before the final draft. These sorts of errors are unacceptable in a professional piece and are a reflection of the lack of caring that the writing industry currently has for the art. It is all about making money, and Fifty Shades of Grey certainly sells.
But enough of me ranting about the lack of technical quality in this novel. I'll shut up and continue reading. I will try to save my opinions for when I have finished. Who knows, though. It's already pissing me off, and I have trouble keeping my mouth shut when I'm pissed off.
#2
Sigh. Long prolonged sigh. Here is another example of the lack of professionalism exhibited by this piece of what is rapidly becoming drivel. No one in America says "till." It's a cash register. If you are going to set a story in a place where you do not live, then at least have the decency to do a bit of research. That or change the setting. Personally, I think this story would be more believable and more natural if it took place in London. It is obvious that E.L. James has no concept of American idioms, and this makes the story stiff and laughable. Again, it reads like fanfiction rather than a professionally published novel.
Another example of this same flaw is that no self-respecting American college student ever uses the word "shall" unless he or she is being facetious. Or perhaps writing a paper. But that word went out of the American psyche a century ago. The protagonist should never be thinking it to herself. It's almost as if we have all of a sudden jumped to colonial times. Which we have not. Modern syntax is always something to be aware of.
No self-respecting American college student calls a bathroom a "powder room." It is a bathroom. Period. End of discussion. We may call it the powder room if we happen to be fancy women at a fancy restaurant, but this particular instance takes place at a bar. A college bar. This is a face palm moment for me, and I think I am going to stop harping on this writer's lack of knowledge about the difference between American and British vocabulary. Suffice to say if this was a real book (and I no longer consider it one even if it can be found on the shelf at Barnes and Noble), then it would be more carefully researched. In its current form, it is the epitome of laziness.
#3
I have never in my life seen someone show up to a photo shoot without dressing up a bit. Dry hair is a definite must. Now, I anticipate some people arguing and saying that Grey is so rich that he doesn't have to worry about what he looks like. C'mon people. Everyone in any sort of business knows that image is everything. A photo shoot is PR even if it is only for a college paper. This entire scene was just ridiculous.
#4
Got to the sex stuff. So far I'm not impressed. The only truly spectacular thing about it is the sheer amount. It's been eleven pages of nonstop sex. It actually got to a point where I was bored. With sex. Now I feel like a bad American college student... Bored with sex... Who would have thought?
#5
I'm such a child. There is a direct quote that says "Call me - maybe..." I just find that really funny. I seriously fell out of my chair laughing. It's not like this piece of dialogue was anything that I was going to nitpick, but I read it in singy Carly Rae Jepson voice and fell out of my chair laughing.
#6
This is really just a quibble. I have never known anyone to be able to make lasagna in 45 minutes. If E.L. James knows a way to make lasagna in 45 minutes, then I want her recipe. It takes me 2 hours to make the damn thing. One hour to prep and one hour to bake. I can't imagine lasagna taking such a short time unless it is from a box.
#7
Sigh. I cannot fully express my disgust at people who do not do research or proofreading. It is a fundamental part of writing, and there should be some pride taken in the craft. Now, I understand that the writer probably began working on this story years ago. In fact, she probably began writing it when Twilight was first available. That is no excuse, however, for not going back, rereading, and making changes to make the book work with the current times. MacBook Pros were available when I was a senior in high school. That was six years ago. Yet in the story, the MacBook Pro is new and not available in stores yet. Hmmm...someone clearly did not take the time to go back and proofread.
This is one of those things where people could defend the book by saying that maybe she intended for the story to take place over six years ago, but I maintain that it is laziness on the part of the writer and the editor. Most readers of a story such as this assume that it is either taking place now, or in the near past. There is no excuse for a time related faux pas such as this unless you are deliberately centering your story around a specific historical incident. Which is not the case here. Furthermore, the writer (I now refuse to acknowledge her as an author) chose to write the story in the present tense. Hmmm...
I've read some more and I'm coming back to this point. She dates her emails 2011. So ha! Laziness! It also occurred to me that she could be referring to a specific model of MacBook Pro, but then that should be specified. Currently this mistake detracts from the professionalism of the book. It's terrible.
#8
Again with the sheer lack of quality and proofreading. He blindfolded her. There was never mention of the blindfold coming off. So how is she now able to see? Laziness.
#9
Ah hell I'm kinda starting to like it... Crap.
The relationship between Ana and Christian is getting more complicated and slightly interesting. We'll see what happens.
#10
Aaaaaaaaand now I'm bored... It's the same thing over and over. They get upset with each other, they argue a bit, they talk about their feelings, they have sex. Wish all of my deep conversations ended like that...but alas. Even the sex is getting boring. E.L. James uses the same particular phrases over and over. "He rolled it down his impressive length" "I gazed in awe at his impressive length" "He found his release" It makes me wonder if Ms. James has ever had sex. Or if she just lacks the imagination to come up with different wording. Anyway, I can pretty much predict how each sex scene will play out, and I am not finding the amount of BDSM that I was expecting... This book is not that shocking, and anyone who has actually explored the glorious world of literature will know that there are far kinkier and better written books available.
Update: After finishing the second book, I am lowering my grade to a D. I was hoping that a plot would eventually develop, but no. No it just continues to be terrible. Won't be reading the third and final book. Waste of my time.
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